The gaps of 2013

Often times, we look at bridges as that community infrastructure that lets vehicles cross from one end to another. I have often traveled from place to place, and I can’t help but marvel at how these bridges are constructed, the enormity, the bolts, the edges of the metals, the curved support on top, and the crisscrossing of the huge trunks that make it so dramatic that when sunlight hits them, it projects shadows on the blank faces of passersby while journeying from one end to another.

My 2013 was like these bridges.

I once read in a horoscope last year that this year was going to be great. It surely was. But it was a lot of work. As my friend had told me, it was a struggle. But to me it was more a struggle that led me to the other end. And that bridge was rather that passage that made me build my year.

At work, it was no doubt difficult. It was difficult to change to a shift that is inimical to my body’s rest. It was that kind of work I never anticipated for and dreamt of. But the bridge was the people around, colleagues, friends, and really close friends alike. They helped me cross the tiresome and routine days, weeks, and months, and what turned out to be a whole year just recently.

At school, with my aims for higher studies, it was confusing, academically condescending, and initially strenuous. But with new learning was the eagerness to be good at what I do, to be good at what I write about, and to be better at what I could imagine myself to be. Just the thought makes me go on. I can definitely be good while finishing up my studies.

With my family, it was tiring to bear the burden of always being responsible for the things I never chose. At times, I find it so unfair that others remain indulgent of their lives’ joys without anything to worry. But my family, my mom, my dad, and older brother make me stronger when I know and feel I am not. It wasn’t to project some economics making evident of equity and commensurability. My aunts make me realize the value of family and faith. They help me clear the gaps between continuing and giving up. Family will always be that strong foundation.

With myself, I keep going back and forth, indecisive and often times seemingly lost at what I really want to do in life. At times, I wish I could just write the whole day. There are also moments that I want to create things in the form of photos or videos. There are also unlikely moments that I just want to escape and live a life free of so many things, dictates, expectations, and opinion. But I stop to think because I know I have the answer to knowing who I really want and what I really desire to do. And that bridge is me. I have everything indispensable. I can conquer the world if I push through with it. I can choose a life with myself in it, happy, struggling, fulfilled, or constantly thriving.

My 2013 was not that easy. But I made sure I never left anything behind. I always did things as the way they should be done. I never left anything undone. I always pushed myself to the edge. The key for this year for me was to make and do, to act and accomplish. Just like how the bridges have been constructed, this year was definitely well placed and well worked on.

Every year is a new journey, as they always say. But it will be a journey of new realizations. I feel nervous for the next year ahead. But as long as I know I have the means to get there, I will cross and walk my way and live life with no regrets of not doing anything because I know I can, and I know I have the bridges that will just make things possible.

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