For the entire month of August, I was hibernating from writing, for two reasons. One, I just re-channeled all the unstable energies to graduate school, and this redirected me somewhere else. Second, I just lost track and drive in writing as I wanted to make clear of so many things, lost passions, plans, consequences of the choices I just made, some lost, yet looming love, and a few things that need more attention. By the time I get a good idea, I have exhausted everything to reading, doing PowerPoint presentations, thinking, rethinking, temporarily forgetting, and watching this gay drama series. I have somehow abandoned writing as one of those lost passions. But since I just made it clear that blogging shouldn’t skip a month, some things need to be written.
Just after I have handed in my term project (a dummy training program on work motivation), the first one in graduate school for a prerequisite course, I have somehow been thinking about what keeps me going. Just like the contents of the project I did, I came into thinking about that which pushes me to do things. Just recently, I saw a post on Facebook stating a query on writing: what inspires you? And I just shared the same photo-post with 4 words as caption on top: people, ideas, theater, a partner.
I write this blog because of the people I met, I saw, I heard about, the news that told about people, and those who will always be part of my life. Every conversation and shared experiences is a good starting point for any writing. Anything that one says can spur a good topic. An encounter of some sort will do. And people will remain a main subject in this blog for the sociality it serves.
I write about 2 of my graduate school classmates whom I have had quite a revealing conversation on our sexualities, the queer in each of us. It was rather serendipitous and short, but it was rewarding to know that I can never be alone in this world.
I write about those who left for greener pastures and better opportunities at work. My editing manager and a coworker left at their own accord for an opportunity they cannot afford to lose. I felt nostalgic, but then, I also realized, that I can go away myself as well.
I write about a best friend of more than a decade now. She will always be there no matter what happens. She has never failed as a friend and a confidante. Recently, she has made me see what’s inside her emotionally and psychologically. She has begun to let me know of her more, and I have become more open to her this time.
I write about my mom, to whom I have voiced out my sentiments on our situation, their situation most especially. I am just this son who wants the best for the family, who wants things to be okay and less worrisome, and who wants everything to go just right. I just hope she didn’t take everything so heavily.
I write about this guy whom I have met online. We actually met, and more than just meeting happened. But this guy just opened my eyes to some things ahead. I was almost at that point of emotionally attaching myself for his being too “much.” But he has aged for years, experiences, encounters, realizations, work, life joys, and self-actualization. And I haven’t even started my best journey just yet. He just came unintentionally for me to move along gracefully bringing the good that I am supposed to be enjoying.
I never run out ideas. I just run out of energy and drive to write because of the apprehensions, delusional forecasting of what may happen, and consequences. But I remain tireless of contemplation when I am alone, when I am in deep thinking, and when something is just too good to write about.
I come up with ideas and work around it. They could be about the abstractions of encounters, realizations, original thoughts, and results of something that just occurred.
I come up with ideas to engage myself more into that human experience of thinking, sharing, and contributing. I get hold of a thought while walking home, and I just bring it into writing.
I just thought that family will always come first no matter what happens. You break your relationship with your dad or mom, and you end up in the streets.
I just thought that a lost love will always stay there no matter how hard one tries to forget. It may take a while to wear-off everything, but forgetting is never occurring.
I just thought that probably, there is no reason to rush to get into relationships. There is a difference between wanting to have someone because there is the need, support, and love to share, and the resolving of mere loneliness. There is a difference between being in-love and being in-love with the idea of being in-love. In any romantic engagements, one should figure out the reason of getting into one.
I just thought that probably, I should not easily give up on something that I used to fear yet I am currently managing. I have always felt like leaving and escaping, but I end up finishing up a particular thing. I just thought I should pursue graduate school. I thought I should look for a more worthwhile support, community-concerned, or leisure group.
Just a thought.
I have always been love with the musical theater, well performance and entertainment in general. I think I have lived for the purpose of realizing the theater inside me. Sometimes, I think I was born to live in the theater.
I dance. I love to dance. I love how people create forms and movements. I love how people come together to express their emotions in bodily responses.
I sing. I love to sing. Music has always been life to me. Without it, there is no movement. Without it, there is no life lived at its peak. With music, I can definitely say what is untold.
I come up with a show. I love shows no matter how simplistic, humorous, engaging, endearing, or argumentatively discursive may they be. I love shows with people.
Through theater, life left hidden is expressed and realized. In musicals and plays, stories give life to what is taken for granted. In the lyrics, love or grief is expressed poignantly. In the characters, faces are lit to remind us of the many beautiful and overwhelming things the mundane life has kept in the shadows.
It has been a while since my last, former, and first partner. We lasted for almost two years. Though this love may still linger at one point or another, I desire to move along and seek for people who can help me out better.
I mesh my thoughts on partners not as means to self-fulfillment but self-purpose rather. Being one with someone means putting oneself in the relationship for the other half. It is not mainly on satisfying oneself in compliments, unsolicited care, and endless concern.
I mesh my thoughts that a partner is supposed to be respected for who he or she is. If things about the partner does not seem to work out well, then it’s better to leave the scenario in a more grounded and foregoing manner.
I mesh my thoughts that having a partner takes time to be put in place. One should take time to think of the necessity for having one. They are not there as means to one’s happiness alone. They are there to take the other’s half’s part as well.
With these four, I remain to trail my thoughts in writing. I will always keep writing.